Monthly Archives: June 2012

Stay-At-Home Moms Are Feminists Too

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Remember Elizabeth Wurtzel? Quick recap: she wrote a book about depression and addiction called Prozac Nation (maybe you saw the movie), got famous, then posed naked on the cover of her next book, Bitch, flipping us all off. She’s now a lawyer and one would assume has a slightly more settled life than the memoir-making chaos that led to her early publishing success.

But she wants you to remember that middle finger. She’s flipping it again, and this time it’s directed at women. Namely, those who choose domestic responsibilities over career ones. In a new essay in The Nation, Wurtzel blames who she calls “1% moms” for the failure of feminism and the reason the war on women exists.

Yeah, wow.

The bulk of her argument is directed at the Desperate Housewife set—the moms with expense accounts (provided by their husbands), nannies and acrylic fingernails that eschew the dirty work of motherhood. Some of them have Ivy League degrees. Others just lucked out marrying a rich guy.

These women exist and, yes, I agree that their “work” as stay-at-home mothers is far different than nearly every other mom in the country. But the problem with Wurtzel’s argument is that her finger pointing drifts. In one paragraph she calls out the 1% women, and in the next, she makes a grand assumption that women who choose to stay home to raise their children and take care of the household are betraying their potential, and have the unique luxury to do so only because they’re wealthy.

“To be a stay-at-home mom is a privilege, and most of the housewives I have ever met — none of whom do anything around the house — live in New York City and Los Angeles, far from Peoria. Only in these major metropolises are there the kinds of jobs in finance and entertainment that allow for a family to live luxe on a single income.”

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Underwear As Empowerment

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Want to feel confident, sexy and skinner than ever? Go buy a new bra.

After months of wearing my nursing bras—even beyond breastfeeding—then months more of wearing my pre-pregnancy bras that, clearly, didn’t fit right at all, I finally went for a fitting and got some new lingerie. This was last week and I am still on a self-confidence high.

Most women know by now the importance of wearing the right clothes—that is, ones that fit. This contributes more to our self-esteem and body image than the numbers on a scale, whether we know it or not. That’s why we freak out when we find “the perfect pair of jeans.” It’s not the designer label or the degree of stretch in the fabric that makes them “perfect” (though the latter helps). It’s that they don’t make things bulge or pinch or squish or otherwise look and feel morphed. Our bodies are not meant to be constantly sucked in and suspended in Lycra (love you, Spanx, but only on special occasions).

This is especially true for new mothers. To say that our bodies have “changed” is a hilarious understatement. Celebrity obsessed tabloids focus on “baby weight” (and, of course, how quickly the famous can and we should lose it all) but that’s hardly the most dramatic change that occurs when a woman carries, supports and delivers a human being. Our skeleton changes. Our hips aren’t what they used to be because they aren’t where they used to be. So, clearly, new jeans are in order.

But first on the list of new clothes for moms should be lingerie. Perhaps the greatest changes occur in our breasts. They knew we were pregnant before our brain did, instantly getting that hormonal signal to start changing. And change they did.

So why, then, do we save our old bras? I naively figured I’d just wear my old bras after breastfeeding and adjust the straps to make them fit. I understand saving some pre-pregnancy clothes to wear again after things “settle,” but every mom who goes through pregnancy, labor and delivery and, if she chooses, breastfeeding, warrants a brand new lingerie collection.

This may be the most empowering shopping trip of your life. The key is to get a proper fitting. Go to a lingerie boutique or department store, not Victoria’s Secret. There’s nothing wrong with shopping at Vicky’s (I love their sales, too) but the stores are usually staffed by young people perhaps on their first jobs, not trained tailors. I went to Nordstrom, which has excellent customer service and on-staff boob specialists (that’s what I call them anyway). When I learned from my own personal boob specialist that I had gone down a cup size but up a band size, I could finally pinpoint the source of upper back pain that I’d been feeling for months.

I walked out with three new bras and a handful of panties. When I got home, I threw out everything in my lingerie drawer. I didn’t even think twice about how much I spent on the things that no longer fit me. They had to go.

In one shopping trip I improved the way my wardrobe fit, boosted my self esteem and got a sexy, new collection of underthings. It’s moments like these that make me realize that there’s real power in fashion.

U.S. Military To Boobs: Eww!

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Most members of the U.S. military have seen some truly heinous things. Even if not in active duty, they’ve been privy to the depths of human depravity and have had to either set or adhere to rules that pushed their limits of morality. It’s a tough, sometimes impossible job and bless everyone who volunteers to wear a uniform. Except, according to the Washington Air National Guard, if you’re a breastfeeding mom. The organization recently lashed out at a few female soldiers who posed for completely tasteful and totally loving portraits of themselves breastfeeding their children. The Guard’s beef: They nourished these kids while wearing their military uniforms.

The boob backlash began when photographer Brynja Sigurdardottir took candid photos of two servicewomen breastfeeding their children. The photos were going to be part of a campaign for National Breastfeeding Awareness Month in August. Once posted to the pro-military-mama website, BreastfeedinginCombatBoots.com (awesome, by the way!), they became viral and the women posing came under fire.

They’ve been called everything from “discraceful” to “unprofessional.” The idea that breastfeeding, the most basic, natural, essential act between mother and child, is still considered either of these things — or worse (disgusting, primitive, abusive are but a few of the terms hurled at breastfeeding mothers) — is just plain sad. We need to rally behind our mothers in the military. They already have to fight for equal respect and pay (and sadly have a long way to go in those departments) they shouldn’t be made to feel guilty or unworthy of their uniforms simply beause they choose to breastfeed their babies.

A common complaint, often from other women in the military, is that the act makes these women seem weak and less soldier-like. How about it makes them seem stronger and more important to the world? They fight and defend just like everyone else, and still manage to give physical and emotional nourishment to the next generation. Let us salute them!